Too Clingy, I thought I was...

For years I thought I'm a clingy person because when an affinity was found between me and a friend, I tend to stick with that person because, why not? I like the person and I wanna spend more time with that person. And since then, I thought I'm clingy and in some extremes I even thought that I was possessive. But as I am journeying with the Lord because I'm a follower of Jesus Christ. He is my Lord and Savior and in Him I put my trust!

As the Lord sanctifies my past and restores my heart from all the pain it received as I was growing up.  Therefore I grew up thinking I knew who I am, but as I journey with the Lord and as He redeems me, He is slowly showing to me my real personality. The personality that does not reacts merely to situations but who I am really as a person with or without the situations around me.

When the Lord purposely Orchestrated that I am to travel with someone, someone who is more emotional than me and more clingy! That's when I realized how I prefer a relationship that is relax and just moves as the river flows.

At first, when I was traveling with my fellow believer in Christ, we were excited and it felt like a white water rafting sort of experience in our relationship. The Lord was revealing a lot of things to us and we get to enjoy the amazing view as we enjoy the turbulent ride! Why turbulent? Because God will sift and shake the believer to bring out the uglies! That way He can sanctify or clean or destroy those impurities in us.

As the process continues for almost a month now, I realized that my earthen body can't keep up with the fast phase activity and it's now feeling the toll of the journey or battle. Now, we are both tired, and at least I can say for myself that I want some alone time, so I can quietly rest from the whole thing.

Where will I go? I want to rest in the arms of my Lord Jesus. And with Psalm 23 in my mind and heart, I press on trusting my Good Shepherd:

Psalm 23:1-6 NASBS
[1] The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. [2] He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. [3] He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake. [4] Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. [5] You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. [6] Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

The Paper Boat

This blog is actually a place I want to dump my thoughts that are close to my heart.

Like a paper boat floating in a stream, I feel like every post I'll create in this blog will flow in the virtual world. Knowing that someday it's going to sink in the amount of information flowing nowadays, it's going to be buried somewhere. Whether it's going to be helpful or not, I don't know. I already have my personal journal with me where I dump everything, but the thought of leaving a paper boat trail in the stream of information, I find it also relieving.  You can say it's like the message in the bottle you throw in the ocean. You're not sure if someone will read it or it's going to be destroyed by storm / calamities and message is forever lost. You can say every post is meant to sink eventually. I just need to get it out. And the thought that it's floating as one of the stream of data is mentally relieving.

I wish I can do this in the real world. I wish I I can go to a river or ocean where I can make an actual paper boat and cast the thing in the ocean or river. Since it's paper, it's going to disintegrate so that's not going to be a problem. But I do wish I can still drive like I used to and head to a place surrounded by nature and write my heart out in that place. I'll probably take lots and lots of photos too! I wish I can do that solo, strong independent woman travel again. But, with my current condition, I know it's not something I should do even though I could if I'll force myself.

I hope that this will kick off this blog. I hope this blog will be as effective as I'm hoping it will be. I hope this is not my last post 😅.

Toodles!